I’ve always had very high dreams in life. But I had categorized a 3 bedroom apartment (preferably in Tribeca) as a mid-level dream. Maybe not right now, but hopefully by the time we have baby #3. After a party in a similar apartment a few weeks ago, I had to readjust my grading system. It was $4M. And I checked, no hidden terrace nor private pool.
So I’ve come up with a few tricks to make fast cash overnight in Manhattan.
– Trick #1: Take a picture of a celebrity and sell it to the tabloids
It turns out that my office is directly across from Jay-Z and Beyonce’s duplex apartment. So I was hoping for The Million Dollar Shot when Baby Blue Ivy came along. Unfortunately after 12 months of scrutinizing, all I could see is the chef grilling steaks on their outdoor barbecue. And the cover of their ping-pong table being beige. I haven’t found a buyer yet.
– Trick #2: Become a youtube sensation
I read that the video clip of “Gangnam Style” (hilarious, I will admit) was viewed more than 950 million times and brought the singer $8.1M this year. Now THAT gives you a private terrace.
It so happens that a hilarious video was taken of our little Boy a few weeks ago. He was staying at Grandma’s, where he heard a slang word that he joyfully repeated all day. I was about to put it online when I was told I may be viewed as a bad mother if I advertize my young one swearing. I wouldn’t risk that, even for a dream apartment…. (even if I tell you the apartment was one block from my work?)
Ok after 1h of searching how to upload a video, I just discovered that i cannot, so I uploaded it on youtube for you to view. Don’t judge me.
– Trick #3: Turn your child into a modeling star:
After a few people mentioned that our boy could be a child model, I considered the option and did a little bit of research. I think you’re ethically supposed to save the money for college or for him to use when he is 21, but he would be the first one to benefit from a bigger apartment, wouldn’t he? And I promise, the biggest room will be his playroom. But all the agencies I checked online were promoting how their were going to convert my “little angel” into the “next big star of the modeling /acting industry and help you get ahead in this competitive environment”. I’m looking for a bigger apartment, not a substance abuse in 14 years.
– Trick #4: Buy a cheap place instead
Keeping an open mind, I thought I had found the hidden treasure when I stumbled upon a huge duplex for a bargain. Obviously there was a flip side: the place was an old Doctor’s office, it didn’t have bathrooms, was on the first floor with a store front and would have need some serious renovation. But how cool to walk into your apartment like it’s a store? Talk about Retail therapy… And who can say they have an Operating Room as a playroom? (severe sterilization recommended).
However despite my many calls, nobody ever called me back.
– Trick #5: Become a successful blogger
I’ve been working on a little humble blog for the last 10 months, trying to find fun and fashionable addresses where cool Manhattanite parents can go out with their kids. It’s been fun (and time consuming!) but so far, despite one communication agency contacting me for a possible partnership, my revenues have been zero.
So if you know anyone that may be interested in paying me $4M for advertising, I would be forever grateful. I’ll give your kids a permanent invitation to our playroom. You might even bump into Blue Ivy and her parents there.